Do you find yourself always going on dates, and, no matter who you meet, feeling like there's someone out there who could check off more of the boxes you want in a partner?
If so, you might be "relation-shopping."
"Relation-shoppers" have a long list of rigid standards they want in a partner, but their requirements aren't always necessities. As a result, they have a hard time feeling satisfied with the person they're dating and, similar to "dating maximizers," constantly wonder if there's someone out there who could be better suited for them.
Dating experts say it's a problem exacerbated by dating apps and social media, which give people the illusion of limitless romantic possibilities. Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at the dating app Hinge and author of the book "How to Not Die Alone," has warned against relation-shopping on Instagram, where she defined it as searching for a partner "like we'd shop for new shoes."
Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men, says looking for love with this mentality is sure to spell disaster.
"You're setting yourself up for not feeling fulfilled and satisfied in your dating life," she says. "If you don't know what your end goal looks like, it's hard to know when to stop."
Online dating gets a bad rap for numerous reasons, including encouraging relation-shopping. With filters for height, advanced degrees and more, dating apps can put people in a mentality of looking for qualities in a partner like checking off items on a grocery list.
Plus, if you do meet a great person, dating apps with a sea of potential matches will probably make you wonder if you can do better.
"I am genuinely a fan of online dating," Anderson says. "It's a great way to get in front of more people, but dating apps and social media definitely exacerbate this problem."
Damona Hoffman, a dating coach and the author of "F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story," says dating apps don't deserve all the relation-shopping blame. After all, this has always been a problem, she says, and the real root of it is people not getting clear with themselves about what qualities actually matter to them in a partner from the get-go.
"It's not simply the availability of all of the options that makes people play the field," she says. "It's more that a lot of people are dating today without any clarity, without any intention."
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