We're approaching Thanksgiving, one of the best times of the year to gather with family and stuff our faces. Relatives travel hundreds of miles for pumpkin pie and hugs from grandma, and ovens fill with turkeys and casseroles.
And while sitting down to dinner on that special day in late November is about sharing food together, we all know it's really just an excuse to prove you're still the funniest relative in the family.
Keep your cousins laughing with these turkey day jests:
Thanksgiving jokes
How does Thanksgiving always end? With a “g.”
My friends told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I couldn’t quit cold turkey.
How are Thanksgiving and Halloween alike? They both have gobble-ins.
What should you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A har-vest.
When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving? In the dictionary.
Why did the cranberries turn red? They saw the turkey dressing!
What do you do when you accidentally sit on the sweet potatoes you made for Thanksgiving dinner? Bring squash casserole instead.
What does a vampire call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
A little too relatable:60 Thanksgiving memes for turkey day
Pilgrim jokes
What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to? Plymouth Rock.
If April flowers bring May showers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims!
Why do pilgrims’ pants always fall down? They wear their belt buckle on their head.
Where did they take the Mayflower when it was sick? The nearest doc.
What do pilgrims learn in school? Pilgrammar.
What do pilgrims use to bake cookies? May-flour!
Why didn’t the pilgrims want to make bread? It’s a crummy job.
What’s the smallest unit of measurement in the pilgrim cookbook? A pil-gram.
How did the pilgrims bring their cows to America? On the mooo-flower.
What do Pilgrims use to make s’mores? Pilgraham crackers.
Turkey jokes
Who doesn’t eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey — it’s always stuffed.
Why did the turkey start a band? He had drumsticks!
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, hubble, hubble.
What do you call a running turkey? Fast food.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
Why do turkeys lay eggs? Well if they threw them, they would break!
What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, google, google!
Why was the turkey arrested? He was suspected of fowl play.
What sound does a turkey’s phone make? Wing! Wing!
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken.
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? Quack, quack, quack.
What do you get if you cross a turkey with a ghost? Poultry-geist.
What’s a turkey’s favorite dessert? Peach gobbler!
If you call a Turkey a gobbler, what do you call a small one? A goblet.
If leaves come from trees, where do turkeys come from? Poultries.
What song should you play while you prepare a turkey? All about that baste!
What did one turkey say to the other when they saw the pilgrims arrive? They look nice, maybe they’ll have us over for dinner.
When is turkey soup bad for your health? When you’re the turkey!
What is the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The tur-key.
Thanksgiving food jokes
Did you hear about the sad cranberry? It was actually a blueberry.
What did one smitten pumpkin say to the other? I only have pies for you.
What’s the best thing to put in pumpkin pie? Your teeth!
Why was everyone grouchy after drinking the apple cider? It was made of crab apples!
How did the cider mill keep track of its inventory? On an Apple iPad.
How did the investor know Apple’s stock was going to go up? He had incider information.
How did the detective solve the mystery at the orchard? He pressed the apples for clues.
Why did the farmer enter the cider-making contest? He loved the apple-ause.
What kind of apples should be used for cider served at a ball? Gala apples.
Why was the cornbread fired from his job? It was loafing around too much.
How did the cornbread get away from the holiday feast? It waved down a taxi cob.
What do you say to the winner of the fall harvest cook-off? Corn-gratulations.
How did the cornbread keep its shape? It spent an hour on the gym’s bread machine.
How is cornbread like the army? They’re both made of lots of kernels!
What do you call frightened cornbread? Screamed corn.
Why is it so easy for mashed potatoes to travel? They take the gravy train.
Why couldn’t the gravy boat make it across the table? There was a maize to get past.
What did the gravy say to the judgmental mashed potato? Taters gonna tate.
What do you call gravy when the turkey’s dry? The gift that keeps on Thanksgiving.
What do you get when it rains mashed potatoes and gravy? Spuddles!
What acting job did the green bean audition for? The casse-role.
What vegetables can tie your shoes? String beans.
What vegetable comes from outer space? Green beings.
Which green beans never get hired to act anymore? The has beans.
Did you hear about the green bean that is studying for its license? It has to pass the salad bar.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a garden? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears and the green beans stalk.
What kind of shows do green beans do? Pod casts.
Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green bean farm? It was in a seedy part of town.
What did the pasta say to the green bean? Here’s a penne for your thoughts.
Why couldn’t the green bean answer the door? It was in the can.
What did the key lime pie say to the pecan pie? You’re nuts!
Why did the pumpkin pie go to the dentist? It needed a filling.
How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie? 3.14.
Why did the sweet potato pie cross the road? It saw a fork up ahead.
What did the baker say when she saw the pumpkin pie? It’s gord-geous!
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a la mode.
What did the pumpkin say to the pie baker? Use apples instead.
What can a whole pie do that half can’t? It can look round.
Did you hear about the pie that joined a girl group? Its stage name is Pumpkin Pie Spice.
What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? Boo-berry pie.
Why did the apple pie cry? Its peelings were hurt!
Why was the cherry pie so happy? It won first pies in the contest.
Which pie has the most jam in it? Cherry Garcia pie.
Who led all the apples to the bakery? The Pie Piper.
When does Thanksgiving bread rise? When you yeast expect it to.
Why couldn’t the cranberry go to the Thanksgiving party? It was bogged down with work.
What was the little sweet potato’s favorite book? Green Eggs and Yam.
What’s a good author to read out at the Thanksgiving table? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What is a sweet potato’s favorite TV show? Starch Trek.
Why do Thanksgiving bread jokes stay funny? Because they never get mold.
Thanksgiving knock knock jokes
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don’t eat this much at dinner.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Avery. Avery who? Avery body needs to fill their plates.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Mustache. Mustache who? I mustache you to carve the turkey.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Don. Don who? Don eat all the cranberry sauce, I want some!
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